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Flying with Kids Discipline 101

When a child is newborn, discipline is not the answer to having a quiet happy baby during an airplane flight.  Discipline is not a very effective tool at ages up to 18 months old.  For the infant flying on a plane, it is most effective to understand the child’s needs and cater to them effectively.  Babies generally cry for only a few reasons, which primarily include:

With an infant, crying is not an indication of a misbehaving child and having a crying baby on a plane does NOT mean that you are a bad parent.  Crying is merely a baby’s only form of communicating its basic needs.  Parents then have the sometimes-difficult task of interpreting the need that the baby is desperately trying to communicate.  It is unfortunate when other passengers nearby do not have the capacity to understand and tolerate cries from infants since it is not always easy to calm a crying infant, especially if stomach discomfort is the cause or if the baby is tired and cannot fall asleep.

If you expect an older infant or a toddler to behave well on an airplane, it is critically important to have established an effective and predictable structure around discipline for the child.  This becomes most effective after a child reaches 18 months old or older.  You cannot expect to take an undisciplined child, place him on an airplane and have him behave well and cope with the difficulties of a long trip.

Airplane trips are difficult for even the most disciplined and well-behaved infant or toddler.  It is also much more difficult for parents to apply discipline in an airplane setting.  For example, you cannot send a child to time out effectively.  There is no bedroom for you to send your child for calming down.  There are few privileges or personal possessions to withhold when confined to a small space on an airplane.

For these reasons, parents should have well established and predictable methods of discipline in place before air flight.  Discipline is something that is not pleasant for parents or children but is an essential part of the relationship.  It would be great if children would behave properly and safely with only positive reinforcement of good behaviors.  While it is true that positive reinforcement of good behaviors can have a wonderful effect toward influencing good behaviors in some children, it is not enough and disciplinary consequences should be a part of every parent’s routine.

Every child is different.  You cannot assume that any one form of discipline will have a positive effect on behavior for every child.  It is up to parents to bond with their children and learn what works and does not work for their particular child.  There are some common factors though:

• Be consistent in applying discipline

• Be fair in deciding when discipline should be applied.

• Be specific and address behavior in the moment.  Address misbehavior  immediately and when it is occurring.

• If you provide a warning, communicate the consequence or form of discipline that will result if the child does not change his behavior.

• Use a firm and steady tone.  Do not shout.

• Avoid giving second or third chances since that practice establishes a pattern in which a child begins to understand that there is no consequence for ignoring a first warning.

• ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH with previously communicated consequences if the child does not modify behavior after a warning.

• After discipline is over, hug your child and reinforce correct behaviors by explaining in a loving tone what the child did wrong that led to disciplinary action.  If the child is old enough to speak, it works well at this point to ask the child to explain to you what he did wrong.  Then, you can correct the child if he does not properly understand the reason for punishment.

It will not be easy to apply discipline on a plane.  Having strong discipline established in advance is a great start, since you might then expect fewer instances when discipline is necessary.

Use your imagination.  Some ideas for consequences on a plane might include:

• Withholding snacks or toys

• Placing a favorite toy in “time out”

• Not getting to watch a movie that might be available

Any time you must use disciplinary action on a plane you might expect that your child will protest.  This can result in a noisy scene.  It is unfortunate that other passengers will have to endure those events.  However, it is a necessary course of events in order for you to mold your child’s behavior and teach him what is appropriate in social situations.  Over time you can work on teaching your child that is not okay to protest punishment…good luck with that one at ages 1 to 4.

When you are disciplining your child, if other passengers interpret crying or screaming as an indication that you are a bad parent, they are wrong.  You are a great parent for taking initiative to teach your child right from wrong.  Children are members of society.  You may have heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  If you are on public transport, everyone around you is a willing member of that village.  Private transport is an alternative open to any air traveler with means that does not wish to intermingle in society.  Compassion and understanding is an appropriate reaction from fellow passengers and you should not feel embarrassed during those unfortunate times when you draw attention.  In most cases noise resulting from a child protesting discipline is short-lived anyway.

It may also serve you well to establish behavior expectations and then offer rewards.  Based on your knowledge of your children and behaviors that they are likely to exhibit during a flight, you may be able to address those issues in advance and offer incentives to prevent misbehavior.  This can sometime prevent or reduce the frequency of situations that result in the need for disciplinary consequences.  If this works with your child, you may be able to achieve good behavior results with less noise and disruption for other passengers.  Ideas of rewards could be:

• Getting a new toy that was packed for the flight

• Getting snacks

• Getting to watch a movie or show

• Getting to take a walk around the plane

• Reading a story

• …Or anything else that you think might motivate your particular child.
   

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